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Where is my first love?

 Isaiah 43:24 You have not brought me fragrant calamus or pleased me with the fat from sacrifices. Instead, you have burdened me with your sins and wearied me with your faults.

Have you ever felt that puppy love when you fall in love for the first time? The person you’re in love with occupies your entire brain and heart space. You just can’t stop thinking about him/her. When I started dating my husband it was just like that. 24 hours in the day were not enough. We talked on the phone for hours until after midnight and we would go back and forth about who would hang up first. After a couple of years I know our families started to get sick of us, we were the nauseating couple that was always together whenever we had the chance.

It is the same notion when you discover a love like God’s love for the first time. Its a romantic encounter with an invisible God that has revealed Himself to you and the physical evidence is in your heart. You get filled with amazing thankfulness, surrender, awe of His greatness and humility. All you want to do is spend hours talking to Him and worshipping His name. It feels as if you are already in heaven and you are walking on a cloud in hopes that you will never have to come down.

My husband and I got married after four years of knowing each other and we entered a season of pure bliss. Unfortunately, all honeymoons are temporary and sooner or later trouble will hit with the intent to kill. Two years into our marriage, earth came down on us and life happened. We jumped into our ministry full force, we changed jobs, we had 3 children and our devotional life with God began to suffer. Over time a gap between us and our first love grew bigger. As life got harder and harder my prayers turned into constant requests and bitter complaints. There were always times where I would find my center in God but then I would loose control again and I would go spinning round and round.

After serving God for over 20 years I wish I could say that I have found a balance and I got my first love back. However, while living on this earth things will always spin out of control. We don’t have any control, God does. Like when we hold a child’s hand when they are first learning how to walk. Once the child learns to walk, you let them go. Thats the same way with God. The whole point of life is for us to learn to trust Him in the midst of the unknown. That will cause our faith to be stronger and a stronger "first love" will grow out of that. Now that Im not a baby in Christ anymore, I have to learn to put in effort and work, take steps to stay close to God. I know that my first love towards Him has changed over the years but His first love towards me has never changed. Psalms 103 says that He understands that I am dust. Yet He loves me with the same intensity, all of the time. That's where my first love is, in Him. 

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